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I Am Not OK.

Home Community Me. I Am Not OK.

I am not OK.

Those of you who know me, even a little bit, know that I rarely ask for help, although, I have been getting better at it.

I need your help. I need you to keep reading and all the way until the end.

Please.

I am having trouble finding words to describe how I feel and I definitely cannot find a way to describe it succinctly.

I have been desperately trying to find the words to fit into a neat square on FB or IG to convey all of my thoughts.

I have looked at other people’s neat little squares on IG in the hopes that someone was feeling the exact same way and I could just easily share it.

Here’s the problem: I am feeling so many of the feelings conveyed by different people and thinking all of the things.

I considered not doing one square, but a slideshow.

Then came the barrage of questions of what would I include in the slideshow?

Shall I share:

  • The horrific images and videos of young women beaten, with blood running down between their legs?
  • A video of a family with sheer horror on their faces, sitting on the floor while the kidnappers are still in their home and they are trying to stay alive knowing that their daughter/sister was just killed?

****Please don’t stop reading ****

  • The fact that a young Montrealer has been killed and woman from Winnipeg has been kidnapped?
  • The fact that I have seen no acknowledgement of either of this murder and kidnapping by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau?
  • A collage of all the faces of those kidnapped so as to show the magnitude of it?
  • Individual photos of each of the kidnapped, missing or murdered so as to give each the proper respect / attention?
  • The numbers of deaths and injuries sustained to date, knowing that the toll will be higher in a day – or in a few hours?
  • That number of rockets sent into the country? (Or have so many rockets been lobbed in that everyone is desensitized to it already…plus there’s the Iron Dome, right?)
  • The photos of the damage done by the rockets that the Iron Dome did not stop?
  • The fact that my daughter’s camper lost her father?
  • The fact that my cousin’s colleague lost her son?
  • The fact that my friend’s colleague’s son was murdered in cold blood in their home?
  • The fact that this took place on a holiday or on the 50th Anniversary to the day of the Yom Kippur war? Or both? (Maybe go with holiday as not all are familiar with the Yom Kippur war…)
  • The fact that October 7th, 2023 marks the date of the most Jews killed in one day since the Holocaust?
  • The fact that breaking into people’s homes and killing or kidnapping them- including women, children and elderly is an act of terrorism and NOT a military strike?
  • That what has happened on October 7th, 2023 was an actual massacre?
  • The photo and video evidence of the massacre?
  • The fact that the terrorists themselves have been documenting and disseminating their horrific and unfathomable acts, WITH PRIDE?
  • That parading dead bodies around in celebration is wrong? (I thought it was obvious…)
  • That parades and demonstrations in Canada celebrating this terrorist attack is unacceptable? (Again…maybe too obvious?)
  • That 2200 rockets in one morning is an act of war? Even if the home invasions, kidnappings, rapes and murders of innocent civilians did not happen? (But they did…)
  • The heartwarming show of support by various countries all over the world, through statements or by lighting up buildings and monuments?
  • The fact that I am having so much trouble figuring out what is going to resonate because I am afraid to bombard your feeds and overwhelm you…especially at Thanksgiving…but mostly because if you are overwhelmed you will mentally not process it or block me for a few days because this doesn’t affect you?
  • The fact that these are actually crimes against humanity, so if you are human it actually does affect you?
  • The fact that even if you still feel unaffected, that you & I are connected and it is affecting me and I am not OK, and I would hope that just the fact of knowing that I am not OK would affect you?
  • The fact that I personally am feeling very helpless and alone right now?
  • How just a simple square to say ‘I stand with Israel’s right to defend itself and protect its citizens’ would not be enough from me, because while it shows support to those feeling like I am, it does nothing to educate my non-Jewish friends about the actual situation and would likely get scrolled over among all of the other blue squares with similar messages?
  • The fact that those of you who know me know that I have often stood by you, your cause and /or your community?

Right now, I need you, at the very least, to reach out to me and at best to stand by me and my community.

Right now, your Jewish friends need to feel supported.

Right now, even a post reading something along the lines of ‘I will NEVER condone the kidnapping, rape and murder of innocents’ would be some show of support.

Even better would be ‘I will NEVER condone the terrorist acts of kidnapping, rape and murder of innocents’

Even better would be ‘I condemn the terrorist acts of kidnapping, rape and murder of innocents’

In a dream world, this would be followed up with ‘I stand by Israel’s right to defend itself’

-or-

‘I stand by Israel’s right to protect its citizens from terror’.

But honestly, any of the above would be *something*.

The silence is deafening and it hurts.

Thank you for your time and hopefully, your support.

Tanya

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Comments

48 Comments

  1. Hi Tanya,
    I have never responded to an email of this sort before, but I am reaching out to you to show my support for you and because I too am overwhelmed at the depravity and have great difficulty in expressing my inner feelings.
    Thanks you for articulating your feelings so well.
    You are not alone! I hope in the days ahead we can all start to heal.
    I pray for the safety and success of our IDF soldiers.

    • ♥️♥️💔💔🙏🏻🙏🏻

  2. Tanya, you echo our thoughts our fears and our despair. You are not alone. As a community we are all connected to our beloved Israel.
    I’m here for you. Feel free to call

    • Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling.

  3. Dear Tanya –
    It’s ok not to be ok – none of this is ok -NONE. Your words are powerful and resonate with me very much. I hope they will resonate with others as well. I hear you, I feel with you and am equally not OK.

    • are you my old friend, Michael Green?

  4. I think those of us with hearts are all feeling this way. The world is not ok. Very well written The grieving process will be long and hard. We must stand together and show tge world we will not be deterred. Too many tears…..

    • You are right, this world of ours is going down hill, not a good feeling

  5. Dear Tanya,
    I feel your pain. I understand and every word you wrote and is so true resonating with my heart and my feelings of utter disbelief and horror at what’s happening in beloved Israel.
    I’m so sorry for the pain and loss, the images are shocking and frightening.
    The fact that these barbaric people Hamas are living as humans on this earth is just a nightmare.
    The frightening news of Children missing women raped youth gunned down is absolutely terrifying to think of.
    The pain so many in Israel are enduring and will endure, the shock the inhumanity and the fact the UN Canada and others are silent…this speaks.
    Now they cry out when Israel goes to defend in Gaza. When Israel wants to come defend and defeat and look for their people who were kidnapped raped terrorized and brutally harmed, the UN call them out. No Israel is at war Israel will defeat its enemies where ever they are.
    I stand with Israel forever.
    Thinking and praying for you Tanya and all Israel.🙏🇮🇱🙏
    🇮🇱💙🇮🇱💔

    • Shalom Dina, I very much appreciate your heartfelt emotional & well-written comments. I say, Ditto! I have lived in Israel for 2 years from 1970-72, worked as a nurse at Asuta Hospital, Tel HaShomer & Beilinson Hospitals, taking care of our precious soldiers (Chayalim). Unable to participate now like I did 50 years ago. However my heart is still there with every Special Victim, Soldier & Hospital.
      Mishabeirach l’ Kulanu, Miri

  6. Tanya,

    There are no words except to say you are not alone. No one is okay but despite not hearing from who you want to be showing acknowledgement, please know we are with you.

    Renee

  7. Tanya the feeling is one I will feel for the rest of my life.The hatred and unhuman acts will stay with
    Me.Watching Palestinian Canadians celebrating these murderous acts make me sick and our Prime Minister saying very little discuss me

  8. Well said Tanya (and thanks for our short conversation yesterday night). I agree. It’s not ok to be OK. We’re all affected in all dimensions, physically, psychologically, and emotionally.

    One thing that I just read that I thought was worthy of passing along was about identity. A Palestinian I follow, born in Israel shared his POV on his own identity and how this conflict has made him feel.

    https://twitter.com/nasdaily/status/1711146561487425961?s=12&t=6TaFA5upB5HMR1riRKMQig&fbclid=IwAR10KCi1raJkACxYsy262Gt-x-ARLPSFTM_qCsvw4mPN6IWOBOxOqQ3lx70_aem_AWC_HR2iF_44WRC3aAOsiVZe_PpucJ0LP-Vketak_KCFUnKZGproivWkjHA88z0uYog&mibextid=2JQ9oc

  9. Dear Tanya,
    Thank you so much for speaking out for ALL of us!!! You are NOT alone!!

  10. Tanya,
    When we are unable to express how we feel, we are in shock. I believe we are feeling what you are feeling.

    This is a travesty and crimes against humanity are being perpetrated.

    We need to know that Israel is being supported as now the USA is doing. Where is our PM? The fear may subside if we feel Israel is being supported in every way possible. However, the fear is if countries step in, it may start a world war.

    Tanya, you are not alone. Speak to family and friends. Don’t keep it inside.

    You are supported by the Jewish community. At this time, as I said, Israel needs support – in every way possible! Then we feel we are doing something.

  11. Thank you, Tanya, for writing what so many of us are thinking. Warm hugs with heavy hearts,

  12. Thank you for speaking for all of us who are also not ok…..
    Nothing is ok, a nightmare that will never be forgotten…
    Sending love and prayers to you and all

  13. You wrote it so precisely. Know that you are not alone. We are stronger together. We hurt together, pray together and will see better days B”H real soon. Am Israel Chai🇮🇱💪

  14. So much of what I want to say has been said. We are all here for each other.

  15. The world hates Jews. That’s why
    No one cares when are children are murdered and are daughters are raped.

    The world is sick

    Whoever stands against Israel is in agreement with rape and murder

  16. Tanya,
    Unfortunately it looks like nothing is going to change. We are trying to show the world and explain why we are different from them but unfortunately the world is ether blind or too scared to stand by us.
    Maybe this time the world will see the true face of Hamas and Gaza and understand that they are animals and should be treated like animals

  17. Hi Tanya
    Thank you for putting in words what many of us have been unable to. We are all in this together. One people one nation regardless where we live.

  18. I feel paralyzed, like most other people. I have family in Israel and feel utterly helpless. I go about my day in a zombie-like state while Israelis are under attack. It’s unfair, and I can’t take any more of this ugliness. I too, feel like no one is listening or not enough people are taking this seriously or doing enough. My heart aches. I’m here, if you want to sit and cry together. Am Israel Chai

  19. No words😭
    All of it
    Feeling of guilt,while my mother is in her bomb shelter, alone.
    Am israel chai🇮🇱🇮🇱🇮🇱
    That H” should protect all the hayalim Amen and all of Am Israel Amen 🇮🇱🇮🇱🇮🇱🇮🇱🇮🇱

    Sending my love 💙

  20. Tanya – I do not know you, but my heart aches as I read your post. This was the discussion at my dinner table tonight and I felt breathless then and even more after reading your post. I cannot fathom the pain, fear or should I say terror these people are feeling or have felt over the past few days.

  21. You are not alone. Been sick to my stomach , crying non stop for almost 3 days now. The pain is too much to handle, my heart is shattered. The pain for all those that lost a loved one, the pain of the parents with missing children and feeling helpless ( myself having a cousin who is currently still missing), the fear for the safety of our young solders.. praying that this will end soon and that we will all be able to overcome these horrible events…

  22. Thank you for this piece as it expresses what so many of us are thinking and feeling.

  23. Hi Tanya
    Thank you for putting in words what many of us have been unable to. We are all in this together. One people, one nation regardless where we live. עם ישראל חי

  24. Dear Tania, your words are beautifully structured .
    You are not alone because we are a strong unitetd, strength and defenders to who the land is a right.
    Do not stay alone and especially if overwhelmed to talk about it.
    so if you can’t talk, I’m an old doctor in clinical Psychology, so contact and I volunteer if needed.
    Dr. Julie Snyders

  25. Nobody should be “ok” with murder — especially of this magnitude. So sorry this is happening. ❤️ I’m thinking of all the affected families. And also about the fact that this action will resonate for decades in such a terrible way.

  26. None of us are ,OK,
    You have said EVERYTHING!
    We all share this unbelievable atrocity ,beyond devastated,

  27. Tanya thank you for articulating what so many of us are feeling. How do we go about our everyday lives when so many in Israel are suffering? And some of the worst is yet to come. It did help to attend the rally at Nathan Phillips Square in Toronto last night when thousands from our community came together to support one another. And to hear from politicians saying they steadfastly support Israel’s right to defend itself. That remains to be seen of course as the impending war in Gaza inevitably claims lives. Just know there are countless others who feel what you do. I am certainly one of them.

  28. Tanya,
    Your powerful words resonated with everyone who read them. I feel like I am holding my breath waiting for the next bomb to fall. It is incomprehensible to me that any human being could take such joy in brutally slaughtering innocent people – and then celebrating in the streets. I pray that the IDF will be protected when they enter Gaza. My heart is breaking.

  29. Dear Tanya,
    You’ve said it all! There are no more words !! Just broken hearts and prayers !
    Let us all stay united with prays and deeds of kindness and pray that Hashem have mercy upon his people !!!!
    Amen

  30. Hi Tanya
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. They, long with everyone els’s comments resonated with me deeply. I worry for my oldest friend whose son was called up and all the innocent people who have lost loved ones. What kind of people can be so barbaric to have no regard for innocent civilians and human life! I am disgusted and heartbroken at the same time. Let’s hope that this will end soon!🙏🙏🙏

  31. Hi Tanya,

    I have been feeling exactly as you have. Feeling everything and not knowing how or where to say it. So, thank you for publishing this.
    And thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings so succinctly. I hope EVERYONE reads this AND until the end.
    With a heavy heart, sending you so much love and strength♥️

  32. Tanya,
    Your words, sadness, outrage, passion spoken so eloquently convey every emotion we are collectively feeling now.
    Thank you for your message. I cannot add to anything you have already said, so I will share it with the hope and intention that others can unite.

  33. You are not alone. Your words have so beautifully articulated what so many of us struggle to say. Struggle to explain.

    What is happening is NOT okay.
    How can it be 2023 and this has happened once again? I just cannot comprehend. It doesn’t make sense. None of it does.

  34. Now we will witness the justified and righteous repercussions from Israel, with losses of life on the Palestinian side at numbers that will be multiples of 10 or 20 compared to the Israeli casualties.

    And then in no time, we will be back to square one.

    Ad nauseam for the foreseeable future, plus infinity.

  35. You are not alone.
    Thank you for taking the time to write that.
    I’m speechless and unable to articulate what you so well did. So authentic. So raw. So real. The world needs to see this.
    Sending you strength to get through this.
    Rivka

  36. You are not alone, I have been feeling so sad, angry and broken since this has happened. You said it so well and it’s all true how most of us feel. I think it’s important to keep sharing their inhumane brutality to the world because when we strike back they will forget our pain and blame us as they usually do. This inhumane massacre has put another dark cloud added to a world that is suffering already. These animals have to be wiped out the world needs love desperately now to heal in many ways. Keep sharing the extreme brutality of what they did, it’s important that they don’t forget this beyond cruel attack on us. I am praying for the safety of Israel and all our people to be safe always❤️🙏🇮🇱👍👍

  37. I don’t know you Tanya but I myself have been feeling the very same way as you. You are absolutely not alone.

    I pray for Israel to stay strong and united and for the IDF to rid the world of this evil. Condolences to the families who lost their loved ones, this is a tragedy that will never be forgotten, and forgiven.

    And yes, our PM is a freaking clown. I hope Jews know better next time when they go vote.

    Am Israel chai!
    *Hugs*

  38. Dear Tanya: Your post will bring tears to anybody reading it. Your words are so eloquent and your thoughts expressed so beautifully. You are not alone. You have already touched the hearts of countless people whom you do not even know, and countless people whom you do know. G-d willing, this horrible war, this horrible chapter in our history, will soon be over. Jews cherish life. Some of our Middle Eastern neighbours celebrate death, our death. Not all of our neighbours but I don’t have to spell it out. It is a victory in their perverted minds. We will win, tragically at a terrible price, but we will win. And we will be there to support each other if not in person then most definitely on these platforms. Ruthie Saginur Toronto On

  39. If I could I would take away some of your pain that make your life just a little bit more bearable.

  40. I write this note to you not knowing how human beings can reach levels of depravity we just saw. Yes I have heard the stories of the HOLOCAUST growing up in a synagogue founded by survivors. I have watched in horror as the events unfolded of individuals who if they did make it will never see the world the same. Whenever HIGH HOLIDAYS came there were the constant words of my congregation of youth that they would never forgive. Whenever the theme of forgiveness came up I heard the same words. I was too young to really understand those words. All I did know was the stories I heard were horrible. The stories I just heard were the stories of behaviour that is unimaginable and yet is real. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN TURNED OUT TO BE IT DID HAPPEN AGAIN. BEVERLY SPANIER

  42. Tanya, your words are profound and hit me to core of my soul. My prayers go out to our community and to the suffering that we are all feeling worldwide.
    I pray for peace!
    Nancy

  43. You are not alone and you have my full support…It is an unfathomable experience. I share your wishes that humanity and integrity will prevail. I share the view that as Jews, it would be remarkable to feel all the shoulders of our non-Jewish friends, community members and fellow humans standing up next to us to condemn outright the treachery of terrorist acts that have been sanctioned and encouraged by Hamas and their supporters. There is absolutely nothing political to gain, and nothing of worth that will help anyone, nor will any peace prevail now or in the future through these acts. In the face of adversity and hardship, peace blooms where light and love is our strength and foundation.

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